Everyone would start their new year in a happy tone. Unfortunately, this year I start with a bad one. I let myself be haunted by my happy memories which now doesn't help my situation much. I let myself be carried back to the month of March 2009 where I first met this person. I'm amaze how I can remember how everything was when I normally can't remember how I met my other friends.
It was there in Sunway Pyramid Arcade where I just started playing Para-Para Paradise with a friend. He then came and approach my friend to teach him how to score. Then another friend was not happy as she was not taught. In the end she was taught too and due to her asking for his number, I went to ask for his number but to be told by my friend that she do not want his number. Let's give a name to this guy. I shall refer to him as T.
After taking T's number, I didn't call him but he message me in Friendster to say he has found me. We then exchange message in Friendster for just a few messages and I got tired of checking if I have a new message in Friendster and asked for his MSN. It was then we chat all the time. Day and night on MSN and also calling and sms-ing. Time flies and little did I know I was falling slowly for him. I can say this is not a good thing at all. It seems beautiful at that moment but now I do not know. I feel like I shouldn't have done that.
All the hurt is there and it is greater now from all my previous history of falling for a guy before he falls for me. To keep him by my side, I always go out with him and do everything together till I can even show a jealous and black face when he treats other girls better. That was the turn off about me. Things didn't go any better but worst from there. Whatever I did in the past can't be forgotten. It is always being brought up. I just do not know what to do.
The other bad thing is, I'm keeping a secret that is eating on me. This secret can make people see an incident in a different manner and not let me eat myself up by holding full blame on an event. What am I to do? Worst, another incident happen and I got my family angry with me for covering and protecting him. Soon if my friends know, I will get another round of question where they would ask, " Is it worth it to protect him. What has he ever done for me? How has he make you happy?" How am I to cover that? Even a stranger when he looked into my eyes and can see sorrows in my eyes.
Am I torturing myself to still like him after all these? Why can't I let go? Even when he is falling for someone else at this moment and that person do not know how he is but thinks he is a very sweet and good guy, what am I to do? I just do not know. All I know I have started my new year badly and things are going that way as I can't pull myself together but let myself sink in depression.
It was there in Sunway Pyramid Arcade where I just started playing Para-Para Paradise with a friend. He then came and approach my friend to teach him how to score. Then another friend was not happy as she was not taught. In the end she was taught too and due to her asking for his number, I went to ask for his number but to be told by my friend that she do not want his number. Let's give a name to this guy. I shall refer to him as T.
After taking T's number, I didn't call him but he message me in Friendster to say he has found me. We then exchange message in Friendster for just a few messages and I got tired of checking if I have a new message in Friendster and asked for his MSN. It was then we chat all the time. Day and night on MSN and also calling and sms-ing. Time flies and little did I know I was falling slowly for him. I can say this is not a good thing at all. It seems beautiful at that moment but now I do not know. I feel like I shouldn't have done that.
All the hurt is there and it is greater now from all my previous history of falling for a guy before he falls for me. To keep him by my side, I always go out with him and do everything together till I can even show a jealous and black face when he treats other girls better. That was the turn off about me. Things didn't go any better but worst from there. Whatever I did in the past can't be forgotten. It is always being brought up. I just do not know what to do.
The other bad thing is, I'm keeping a secret that is eating on me. This secret can make people see an incident in a different manner and not let me eat myself up by holding full blame on an event. What am I to do? Worst, another incident happen and I got my family angry with me for covering and protecting him. Soon if my friends know, I will get another round of question where they would ask, " Is it worth it to protect him. What has he ever done for me? How has he make you happy?" How am I to cover that? Even a stranger when he looked into my eyes and can see sorrows in my eyes.
Am I torturing myself to still like him after all these? Why can't I let go? Even when he is falling for someone else at this moment and that person do not know how he is but thinks he is a very sweet and good guy, what am I to do? I just do not know. All I know I have started my new year badly and things are going that way as I can't pull myself together but let myself sink in depression.
1 comment:
It eats you because it has never left your system properly. If you want someone to listen (and by listen I will sit in front of you and drink tea and not say a thing), gimme a ring.
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